The High School Sweetheart

Well it has been a while, actually this is only number two of my chronicles of ‘The Ten Men’, since I came with the idea a year ago…I thought by now I’d be at number ten, but life’s been happening.

Well, he was the man who introduced me to adulthood; firstly he was five years my senior and drove the entire process. It was in my history class, I was in grade 11, the second last year of high school. The history class was a very small and close knit group. We had just had a new temporary teacher doing his practicals in our school. He was doing his final year of teacher training and as part of that, had to do some practicals, and it happened to be for my school and in my class.

 Very small frame, neat, tiny voice, and I think he had on a tie and the works when I first saw him. To be honest I can’t remember at which point he saw me as more than just a student, but that it’s where we first met. He was my teacher ya’ll (well not quiet, but at that point he was) and five years my senior. The exact events leading to us being a couple are very sketchy, this was sometime August 1996.

Anyway fast forward to the actual relationship, which somehow coincided with mine and the Cherry popper’s… it hadn’t quiet formally ended, we just stopped being without actually talking it over. This resulted in me getting my first and final slap on the face by a man.

 The high school sweetheart, was a born again Christian, well before I knew him, all his high school life and most of his university life, but he got corrupted at uni. And  a quiet church boy to those who knew him, until he met me, he was now in the limelight…and people used to say I am the one who corrupted him, as the few who knew him, had known him as the dedicated Christian, who walked with the Lord, and now they see me and him. It was not my work at all… I happened into his life just after he fell off his walk with the Lord ya’ll.

 As the older party, he drove everything, and at some point made me choose between my family and him, and of course I went for him. He was a bad influence ya’ll. He’d get me to skip school, lie to my dad sayinh i was sick so he can come to my parents’ house, daddy was too woried about me and he’d rather i stay at granny’s so she can take care of me, which would mess up the whole plan. He introduced me to sex and all that. Before him I had had sex thrice, and it hurt all three times. He respected his family soo much, that I had to sneak into his parent’s house a lot while he disrespected mine. He was old enough to be allowed girlfriends I guess, but his mom didn’t know about me for a while. he brought some porn mags and I think ( I can’t remember well) porn videos to my house and I think (can’t recal) we did it at my parents’ lounge  one night, while they were away and my siblings, who I believe heard or saw it all, were not far away. I was young and people kept on reporting to my parents how I am kissing boys in public, well the same boy. He was bad, he is the kind of guy u don’t want your daughter around period. And I was disrespecting my folks left right and centre, he lived a distance from where I did, which meant hoping into public transport to his, so if I spent the night over which meant sneaking out very early before his mother wakes up, it meant having to face the wrath when I get home, there was no way I  could sneak out and back in before anyone wakes up, we both didn’t drive and public transport didn’t operate after hours, so…The end of our relationship, at the time when he had managed to alienate my family and remained the only reason for being, partially contributed to my attempted suicide.

I know the title is, high school sweetheart, but the content doesn’t make him up to be a sweetheart at all. I’ma get to the sweetheart part, it’s just that this post could stretch to 2morrow, but I am tryna give u the gist, starting with the bad parts, and I am an adult now, I can see things very clearly…  stay with me now.

Well, he was technically my first in every way, I believed I was gonna marry him, he proposed actually… he was meant to be my all, hence the extent I went. We were the hype all over town and school, thee couple, and I was still very much a Days of our lives fan, and that is where my ideas of being in a relationship came from, including some of the lines:) gosh, growing up can be fun, just looking back, makes me laugh. We met when he was briefly working at my school, and he returned to finish uni, and ours just kept growing, we called all the time, back in the days it was the land line, no mobile phone, and we wrote letters, he wrote me sweet letters, sent me cards, all the works. And at one point he wanted me to come visit him, he was studying in another city, a bit far from where we both lived. He had come up with some stupid plan to enable me to somehow come spend a few days there, but I might have been in high school, I still knew a stupid plan when I saw it (he didn’t care much as it wasn’t his arse that would be on the line). I can’t recall the story, but I know… there was no way my parents would let me vanish for a couple of days to someplace at that age. I refused to follow his plane, I thought I was in love and kept putting it off, and had to come up with a counter plan or lie to get out of going. 

After graduating, he came back, so we were apart for not more than 3 months I think, it felt like a very long time, we were in love, it took him a while to find a gig which meant he was at home for awhile, and it was my final year in high school in 1997…so that was the year we lived the majority of the relationship. I recall how on valentine’s day, I think the only valentine I have ever had , as per the 12 valentines, he planned this whole resort thing, but no staying over, I guess he was too broke for that… we spent the afternoon there, meals, etc… and as we were trekking back to his, my uncle who is a police man gave us a lift… and although I stayed over at his place, the story got so twisted… something about me spending an evening at a resort with some man.. it was crazy. That resulted in some sever punishment the next day I think I went to my mom’s friend (the woman who saved my life, I was actually thinking of her last night, and I found out sometime last year from mom, that she died of aids,  she is the reason why I am still here), who then took me to some community leaders who decided to escort me home, as I was terrified, and I was sent to my grand mothers’( about a kilometre away). Staying there wasn’t as fancy as being home, no TV, no phone, nothing fancy, so it was a punishment.

And on x-mass, we usually have a big family thing, with extended families, etc, he came up with an idea to formally introduce himself to my family on x-mass. Make a grand entrance, just thinking about how this man made me do all these things, makes me hate him even more, he controlled me like a robot. Well the grand entrance was made, he had lunch with my folks, etc… and as a result, I vowed after the end of us that, my parents will never hear about any other man. No Peter, John, Thomas, or whoever unlit my fiancée.. to this day, they are not sure if I am straight or lesbo, they have never heard of a man in my life, 12 years on still nothing…as when I was with this man, I believed I was gonna marry him, etc…my first heartbreak and I thought, damn, how many do I have to go through, and decided I will not be introducing or talking or even informing my family about any other one, until I was sure he is the one. And it’s funy how then it seemed like a phase and  i was speaking out of anger, and that it would pass soon, but only ten years later, when I actually met an ex (number ten) I believed he was the one, I came very close to letting my parents in on this. My dad might have figured as I spoke a lot about this friend who was into cars, and would ask my dad some car question me and my then beau have been debating, (we were both crazy over F1 and, we’d discuss a particular race some 7 years ago, and who spun out of control, ect, daddy made me fall in love with the sport)  so he knew there was a friend  I spent  a lot of time with, that is as far as I divulged.

Well, I think he even gave me some STD, I am not sure about that one yet, as he came up with some story about how he started feeling these things, and stated it in a way that made it my fault.. and gave me some horrible drinking medicine, which he remembered his parents had a similar issue, since his dad worked in Jo’burg and he had come home feeling ill, and they worked through it still.. I can’t even remember the whole story, but I think he was tryna say, it happens to everyone and I have no idea where that medicine came from, I drank it for a while. I didn’t feel sick or go to the doctor, I just couldn’t stand that horrible stuff and stopped taking it.

Well, the end was bad… and I HATED the man ya’ll. I had a good girlfriend in high school, and each time she’d ask how we were doing, I seemed to think we were happy, until one day she couldn’t take it. Apparently, everybody knew but me, that the idiot was doggin me, and my friends couldn’t tell me cause I seemed so happy. But my best friend had enough I think, I can’t remember if it came from her, or someone else and she confirmed it. From the std drama, which he had gotten from another woman and tried to blame me, everyone knew all this, (that is what happen in a small town), to some drama about a girl he was after, as some revenge shyt. Basically a while ago, the girl’s man was after my arse, me being the nice little girl, I didn’t entertain it, and actually told my man about this, and as some revenge he’d chase after the chick like crazy, he’d wait for me to get into a taxi home, and he’d be after her.

While he made me cut contact with my childhood sweetheart, a man i only shared a peck with, who i had gotten in touch with, and were writing letters. there was a sports day coming up and as old friends me and childhood sweetheart who lived far from me were gonna meet up and the man was pestering me and giving me ultimatums to go and see him and say good bye.

 Though he said he respect me enough to not go to the event,  and wants me to go back and return the picture, he found while going through my stuff, and say goodbye, the dude, had people watching me and stuff, and when I returned I had 101 questions asked, and he had been waiting for me for hours, I think he was obsessed over me.

When I hear all this, my relationship with my family had died…and he was the only thing I had… I don’t think I even had the neck to listen to him, I can’t remember the confrontation, but I remember being hurt, angry and vowed against men for a long time,… I actually kept away from them for a good 2 years.  I recall the exact scene, when he tried to talk to me, came to my house, and I was on my way out, I hoped into a taxi… he’d follow me, I got off the taxi and he followed me all over tryna talk to me. At some point I had to stop and curse at him, asking how long is he gonna be following me, as I was not interested in speaking, or hearing his side of the story, he was trying to give me this etter as an apology, I initially declined it, but when he insisted I said I’d take it.. but he could see in my eyes and the way I wanted it, that I simply wanted to tear it right in front of him…which was the case, and he didn’t give it. That letter was meant to explain, apologise, I don’t even know… it was his way of reaching out to me, till to this day, I have no idea what was in it.

It was tough I must say, he started sending back the cards and little notes I had written to him, in one note there was a nail, eiw.. thinking of it now it’s sick, it was my nail, which might have broken when I was with him, I had LOOOONG nails back then. And one time when my mail arived, my mom being nosey opened it before me, and wanted to know what the hell… I just said nothing we are just finished, and one day my little brother calls me saying he is at the front door, I should try and talk to him. Which I didn’t do of course, I had nothing to say to him and didn’t want to hear anything from him, simple. One afternoon I was on my way out after ignoring yet another phone call from him, and my mother asked me what was the deal, I just said he was an arsehole, who cheated and I never want to talk to him ever.… and she said something to the effect that ‘men are like that sometimes, don’t I think she had to put up with such from my dad?’ I was not interested in that, for 2 reasons, firstly I didn’t care if they were made that way, I am not prepared to sit around and be dogged, if that is how men are, well I am happy being single; secondly, I wasn’t interested in hearing anything bad about the man I loved and looked up to, and I walked away.

Soo much was going on, I remember the day it happened, my dad was away on business, he is a bus driver… i think he had taken people to Maputo and staying a coupe of days, and my mother had left me at home without transport money to get to school. her school was a few minutes walk from home, and  not far from my bus stop, I went there, and she yelled, humiliated me, and all that in front t of her co-workers, and refused to give me transport money, about something to the effect that I was late already. One thing about me, I live for my education, u can take anything away from me, but not that. And at that point , that was the only thing I had to keep me going. And the fact that, I’d soon leave high school and start my life in uni (I had a painful teenage hood), which I did, and even started gaining weight. I walked home from my mom’s school angry, hurt, alone, lost, confused, and the other person who’ll usually pitch in was not there… I lived next to a tuck shop (some sort of convenience store in the township we called a ‘spazza’), bought paraffin from the shop, spread it all over our house furniture, tied a rope on the ceiling and had my matches ready to set the entire place alight. I thought, if I die, they all not gonna live happily ever after, I will go down with everything including the house. While I walked to my house from my mom’s school, my mom’s friend saw me and she said hi, wanted to come and make calls at my house, and I forgot she was on her way there… she came at the right moment, I was hanging on the ceiling, feet still on the table, match on my hands, tryna manoeuvre what I had to do first, lit the match or kick the table. she stopped me… it’s sad she is not here to see the woman that I have become. She baby sat me, and was my friend in high school, I have an old pair of jeans she gave me in high school which i’ll I’ll cherish, that’s if it’s still in my garage in SA.

I spent sometime with a social worker/ psychologist/ shrink after that, who listened to me, and put everything in my schoolwork… and I became one of the 3 students in my school (political conflicts, etc.. meant there was no school for 3 months) to get a matric exception so as to get into uni , and my life started then, and I planned it well enough to go to a uni about 2000km from home, as a way to start afresh in a new place.

If asked, what I leaned from that relationship… I’d say a lot, but I don’t know where to start…all I can say, it has a lot to do with who I am today… you can draw your own conclusions about that, if u know me well enough…that relationship left me cynical (not that I am cynical now), I am still a hopeless romantic… and sent me round the globe searching for love, it stole my teenage years, it taught me to be a woman, and the real truth about man, I used to be naive and still am to an extent, but it introduced me to the whole concept of love, relationship, sex, etc..and taught me that it ain’t nothing like Days of our lives or the Bold, at least not that dramatic, and that I have a loooong way to go … and soo much growing to do… it did soo many things…I am still not sure if it was a positive thing or not… or whether those lessons are worth having gone through all the pain, would I have been different had it not happened.